Strong Enough

I have been thinking about writing this post for a few days now and still am not exactly sure what "point" I want to get across. So bare with me as I ramble for a few.

First I want to tell you about my husband. You know that Cheryl Crow song we all have sang along to a BILLION times, "Strong enough" right? Thought so. Well, let me assure you, he IS strong enough to be my man. He has held me as I cried. Made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. Wiped my tears, pushed me forward and held my hand through it all. He truly is MY best friend.

We have had our fare share of highs and extremely low lows, though haven't most couples?? Each time, we pull through our seemingly tragic situation with more strength and love and adoration for one another. We have been through a gamut of things. The short list includes two 12-15 month deployments and a child with an overly extended hospital stay. Though those situations alone tend to rip marriages apart, somehow, ours seems to thrive!

Can you tell I love this man?? I hope so. Because I do, over and over again.

Through all of the things we have been through, I keep hearing the same thing. "You are such a strong person." Well, honestly, thanks! But I am not alone in my strength. I never have been. I have learned from some of the best and had the Creator walking by my side the entire time.

When we begin truly living our lives, somewhere about 7th grade I think, we begin having to make choices that will affect us the rest of our lives. Had we but known, I bet a TON of us would go back and change a few things, right? I would love to say that I would, but I don't think so. The things I have chosen to do in life, have made me the person I am.

When I was way too young, I became a mother. We had a very long NICu stay and things didn't go the way I wanted them to. However, I did learn a ton about who I wanted to be. Suddenly the little things didn't matter too much anymore. Life became about finding love and being a honest person and eventually having another child. My life also became overshadowed with fear. Though I wanted SO many things, I was afraid to go for them because I knew how quickly things could go badly. So, I got a job.

I worked for a few years in a pharmacy. I LOVE IT still to this day (though I am no longer working there)! I met some interesting people, some co-workers and others patients. A boss of mine once told me that she did not go to school until she was much older than the rest of her classmates. This made me think a little. So, it really IS ok if I don't go back to school until my children are in high school? I enjoyed working with the staff I have over the years, even the ones I wanted to be far far far far away from! They have all taught me something, good or bad.

I met my husband in the spring of 2000. He was (and still is) one determined man!! When he sets his mind on something he wants, watch out. He bugged me ALL night for my phone number. Or maybe we could just hang out. Or maybe we could go have dinner. Or maybe....you get the point, he never gave up! Finally, I gave him my cell number and then realized he was a Soldier and that I had made a HUGE mistake! I didn't want to even DATE a Soldier. They were gone all the time and cold and distant. Right? Ok, so maybe I was giving into the stereotype.

He actually called. I was shocked. I happened to be out of town at the time but promised as soon as I got back I would return his call. I kept my word. We hung out and had pizza with friends on our first "date." We called one another ALL week long. And we always had something to talk about. On our second date, we hashed out our skeletons that so conveniently seem to be kept in the closet. I was so hoping to scare him away, but he didn't flinch. Nor did I. Trust me, we had some heavy stuff to discuss.

We continued dating for over a year. My family LOVED him and I did too. This is when things got rocky, the first time.

To my surprise, I was pregnant with our daughter. He was going to Korea. End of discussion. I would have the baby and I would take care of her forever. With or with out him! And poof, he was gone.

While I was pregnant, I don't think there was a single day I didn't think about him. A single week that I didn't have an ultrasound or Doctors appointment. Months went by, Morgan was born, and we still were not talking. Along came Father's Day. He had a right to know, right? Well, either way you look at it, he IS a Father and I felt I needed to remind him. I sent a simple e-card. Nothing over the top. Just a simple, "Hi, I'm your daughter, remember me"? To my SHOCK he called me at work that night. It was all over from then on. We couldn't do it with out one another as hard as we had tried. Love came flooding back in. Fresh as ever.

Within a matter of a few conversations we had decided to get married. As soon as he returned home in November of 2002 we were engaged and married the next month. We have been together since and I could NOT be happier with my husband!

Since we have been married we have lived in four states and one European country. We have been separated by distance more times than we have lived together. We have cried with and with out one another. We have yelled at one another and held one another. We have been through the loss of a child and walked the tightrope of life with another. Our son, Will, was born at 26 weeks while his daddy was in Iraq. It was difficult. But we all made it out alive!

Here is where the "strong enough" part comes in. Through ALL of the things we have been through I have heard multiple friends and family members tell us how "strong" we are. SO let me tell you WHY we are so strong.

First off, unfortunately we are NOT terribly religious people. We both grew up in Church. I am Baptist and he is Catholic, makes for fun Sunday morning choices. But we have had some great people to learn from.

Mike and I have some of the most amazing parents we could ever ask for. His dad is just a blessing to our family. He loves our children so much. he enjoys playing with them and talking to them, when they will actually talk back, and he just enjoys hearing them. Mike and his dad share such a special relationship. I hope he an Will share one like it as he grows older.

My parents are just the best ever. They have supported our choices even though they might not have agreed with them all. They have taken care of our children so we could get those few extra hours of sleep. They have done our laundry and cleaned our house more times than I care to share! They have held our babies when our arms could do so no longer. They have filled our bellies and our minds on MANY occasion. We love them and so do our babies.

So when life beats you down how do you stay "strong?" You don't have to be 100% strong, just strong enough. Our kids have seen us cry. Morgan has wiped my tears more than once! Our kids have pulled us through SO much. We love them for it. Their smiles are sometimes just the thing you need to make it through the day when all you want to do is curl up in the bed and wither away. Their joy is worth one more push to get to the end.

You don't always have to hide your hurt, just be strong enough to push through it. Mentally, physically, whatever it takes. Know you can do it. Know you need to do it. And then go out and DO it.

I know this post is full of random ramblings but I hope it let's you in on my life a little more and shows why I love it SO much! Thanks for sticking through the not so well written musings.

Have a great Wednesday!